What makes me beautiful?

You're a Natural Beauty


What Makes You Beautiful?

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Feast or Famine

I had the second interview today at Forest Hills. Both Dr. Rodak and Dr. Russo-Colt took time out of their lunch hour to interview me. It should have been a little unnerving being interviewed by the doctors that run the practice, but they were both very down-to-earth and easy to talk to. I'm assuming they'll make a decision this week, since whoever gets the position will be starting on the 24th.

After the interview, I get a call from HR for Pearson telling me they made a decision and that my first day is tomorrow (Wednesday) at 8 am. Okay? Okay, I guess. At the risk of sounding ungrateful, I thought, "where have you people been all summer?" I'm glad it's happened either way, but it would have been nice, well, you know. So, tomorrow I will go to Pearson, fill out my paperwork for HR, pretend I'm learning the ropes and wait for the call from Forest Hills. I have to say I do feel a little secure knowing that at least if Forest Hills falls through and I'm not chosen for the job, I do have Pearson to fall back on for now. The only thing that sucks right now is both Diana and Cathleen will be there tomorrow and you just don't know the trauma of listening to the Golden Girls argue their day away...Ugghhh!

Love Me Like a Song

put your arms around me
listen to my heartbeat now
if you want to love me
baby, i can show you how

love me like a song
sweet as a melody
learn all the words to me
and sing along
find the harmony
the rhythm and the rhyme to me
on and on
all night long
love me like song

i want to be the melody
you can't get out of your head
think of me as words of love
a poet might have said

love me like a song
sweet as a melody
learn all the words to me
and sing along
find the harmony
the rhythm and the rhyme to me
on and on
all night long
love me like song

Happy Easter!

Jesus is Risen!

Okay, enough of that now. A little update for those of you that give a shit. The cottage in Findley Lake is not gonna happen, at least not right now. Now some of you may be happy about that, some of you may be sad, but either way, it's just not meant to be right now and you know how I feel about that. When it's meant to be, it'll be...all in due time.

I was called back for my second interview at Forest Hills, FINALLY! Hello, people, I have patience, but it's smeared as thin can be now. Debbie finally called and said I could interview with the staff on Tuesday, the 18th on their lunch hour and whoever gets the job, starts on the 24th. I could really use some positive thoughts right about now and hopefully there'll be one less piece of shit on this full plate of mine. Maybe if one thing goes right for me, then there'll be another and another and so on. That's not to say that I don't consider myself blessed, because I do and I'm not even trying to say "woe is me" because that's not how I feel. I just need to plant my feet firmly somewhere and getting this job would be a great start. It's gonna suck ass not having the cottage or any cottage on any lake, but I'm pretty sure I'll live; I'm grateful for what I do have. It could be a hell of alot worse, as we all know. So, a big shout out to everyone and anyone who let me lean on their shoulder; it's not an easy thing for me to do, but some of you made it easier to lean on and I'll always appreciate that.

As far as school goes, right now I'm leaning towards staying at Mercyhurst Pre-Pharmacy and getting into LECOM's accelerated program and be done in 5 years. It just requires me pulling a 4.0 grade average. Should be easy enough to do, right? That's all for now..."Thank You" to everyone, you're truly and dearly loved.

LOST

We've all lost a day here and there due to fever-induced comas when we've had the flu or had a hangover so bad, we've slept the day away, but I really fucked up the other day and it wasn't due to illness or drinking.

I have a pill I take in the morning and one I take at night. The one I take at night, I have to cut in quarters because it's way too strong for me and and knocks me out, even in quarters. I went to take my morning pill and without even looking and being in a rush, I ended up taking a whole night pill. I think you know where this is going. That's four days worth of drug in me at once. I didn't even realize I had done it until about a half hour later, I was a little sleepy, which I thought was strange because that never happened to me with that pill. I go look at the bottle and all I could say was, "Oooohhhhh SHIT!!!!"

It just so happened, I had Britain since the night before and Tammy and Matt weren't picking her up until the afternoon. I hurried up and fed her and got her vanload of things together and hurried into town, praying my Mom would at least be home in case this got worse. She wasn't home. I was also supposed to cut my Dad's hair that afternoon when he got out of work at 3 p.m. and I was kind of figuring he wasn't gonna be too thrilled about me holding clippers to his head in my condition. I know I'm going out on a limb with that one, stop me if I've gone too far, but I think it was a pretty safe bet.

On the way into town, Tammy texted me and let me know they were on their way, so I left Britain in her seat where she was safe and I half laid on the loveseat at Mom and Dad's and just stared at her until they got to the house. Once they left, I rolled over and passed out. Next time I woke up, Mom came through the door and asked me if I was sick and I explained to her what had happened. She looked at me quizzically and said, "that's not like you." No shit, Mom. The highlight of my day is not to be in a drug-induced coma.

A little while later, Lori calls and asks me if I wanted to follow her out to North East so I could at least be with my things and change clothes and be comfy. What the hell was I thinking?! I still can't believe I drove all the way from Erie to North East in that condition, or at least I'm pretty sure I did; I don't remember much. Last thing I remember, I walked in the door, found the bed, passed out, clothes on and all. At some point, I did strip off half of my clothes and I do remember Lori bringing me food at one point in time, but that's all I remember until sometime the next day.

I do have to say, the most memorable point of all of this was the awesome dreams and visions I was having. A lot of them centered around age 8 or so. A few from my adult years, which were quite nice, also. :o) The funniest one I remember from when I was little was when I was standing on the porch waiting for the bus and I was screaming and crying because my Mother was making me wear mittens to school and they were two different colors. I also remember when our Mom made us put our feet in bread bags before we put them in our boots to keep our feet extra warm and dry. Another one was when we were at this laundromat in Wesleyville, although I'm not sure why because I remember we had a washer and dryer, but anyway, we would go play in this cemetery behind the laundromat. Just a lot of really, weird, acid-trip types of things. 24 hours later, it pretty much wore off and I was in so much pain and so stiff from sleeping so long, but I got up, took some Advil, got a nice shower and enjoyed the beautiful day. And Dad finally got his haircut, which made him happy.

Pisces

Are you living your dreams, dear Pisces? Are you still in touch with them? The energy from today's planetary aspects can lend strength and encouragement to this part of your life. Seize the opportunity to take hold of the things that you want most of all. Ask yourself this question: What do I want people to say about me at my funeral? Get yourself back on track on the road to a fulfilled life by taking direct steps towards your desires.

Got milk?

Warm weather is here and for me, that means...ICE CREAM!

However, for those of you that know me, you know what that also means...I'm gonna be SICK!

But, I can't help it, I gotta have it. Peanut butter sundaes, Cherry Icee floats, Banana Blizzards with twist ice cream, the list goes on and on. By the time I made it to Dairy Queen last night, they were actually closed, so I had to settle for a Good Humor King Cone, which I couldn't even finish, but at least it hit the spot for the time being.

Then...oohhh, the pain! It'll only hurt for a little while, it'll be okay. It's never enough to stop me from going for it the next night...and the next...and the next. I love summer and it's not even here yet and oohhh, do I love me some ice cream! I just wish it loved me, too.

Uuhhh...Excuse me?

Can I get a little breathing room here, people?! Seriously, though, thanks for the concern regarding my current situation everyone. I do appreciate the advice and knowing I have "options", but I got to tell you, I am about as overwhelmed as a lonely tadpole in a trout pond. Not that there's anything that can be done about it, but doing what needs to be done. I've always been a procrastinator when it came to the whole "shit or get off the pot" thing. Right now there are too many items stacked on the plate and I'm already full. I guess when I figure it all out, my people will call your people. I'm still open to advice, I just need a minute. By the way, thank you Jillian, for the 411 regarding the Rx programs; it is appreciated. You're a doll, but you knew that.

Now where is that damn knife?

A day to fly your garden flags at half-mast

Yes. 'Tis a sad day. Soon the cottage that I have come to know and love and call "Home" and my personal refuge will soon be a thing of the past. I'm still numb from the shock; I'm trying to apply my "everything happens for a reason" logic to this situation, but as we well know, we don't always get to know the reason right away. It would just make things so much easier if I knew.
I did call on a cottage on the lake in Findley Lake, but have not received a call-back on it yet. We shall see. It's so adorable and tiny like the one I'm in now, minus the studio in the back, but I haven't seen the inside of it yet. Findley Lake is more of a distance away from the family and friends and such and I feel like I'm just slowly inching away from everyone, but if it's meant to be, then so be it. Time will tell.
There are so many factors going into this move, it's beyond overwhelming. I'm considering not continuing Mercyhurst Pre-Pharmacy and finding a college that you stay at through the whole six years. The only downfall is that LECOM has the accelerated program and I wouldn't be eligible for that being at a different university and a lot of these places are done accepting applications for the year. In a way, I'm not worried about getting into LECOM after Mercyhurst because I don't foresee problems with grades, but I sure wish I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. It would be so nice right about now.
So, in honor of the cottage, I'm going to hang my garden flags at half-mast. If I could hang my bird feeders at half-pole, too, I would do it. I suppose this will have to do for now.

Bus Stop

Bus stop, wet day, she's there, I say, "Please share my umbrella."

Okay, enough of the Hollies.

I'm driving through Harborcreek today and I see what I thought was my younger sister Tammy all alone sitting at a bus stop bench. I mean, it really could have been her with the blonde, curly hair and all. The fact that she was at a bus stop in Harborcreek should have been enough to say, "Wait, that's not Tammy." You'd think. It took me getting close enough to see that she had on a NASCAR windbreaker to realize that it wasn't her. You don't have any NASCAR windbreakers, do you Tammy? I'm gonna go with "no" on that one.

Gettin' old, Mom?

One of the first signs of old age is surely when you save Kleenex in your bra or the saving of anything used, in general. While working with my Mom last week, I found out she saves the paper towels that we use to clean the dry erase boards. I found three of them, dried up with a tint of blue on them. So, at the end of the day after I cleaned the monitors in the testing room, I asked her if I should save the two pieces I used, considering they weren't really dirty, just wet from the Windex. Do you know she gave me a look like I was the crazy one? Why is it okay for her to save them and not me? I guess I'm just not old enough yet. Checked your bra lately, Mom?

Hey! It's "Bring Your Goat To Work Day"!

I have been filling in at the warehouse that Tess works at, just doing some parts work for them with these parts that came out of PR China. There are 800 pieces in each crate and you have to take them out, one by one, gauge them, and repack them. All throughout these 8 or 9 crates we worked on, I noticed an unusual amount of animal hair, of which I figured came from a variety of domesticated goats. After picking this hair off of the parts for a few days, I finally asked Tess if she could call ZELRI, this company from China and ask them what the deal is. Come to find out, the day they packed these parts it was "Bring Your Goat To Work Day".
Theresa's coworker, Jim said that he has found a multitude of things in these crates, the most recent being some type of bird seed. That was from "Bring Your Chickens To Work Day". He's wondering how long it'll be before he finds a human finger in one of these crates. What would that be from? "Bring Your Severed Appendage To Work Day"? They sure have some strange customs over there in the Far East.

I'm kissing you

Pride can stand a thousand trials,
The strong will never fall.

But watching stars without you,
My soul cried.

Heaving heart is full of pain,
Oh, the aching.

I'm kissing you,
Oh,I'm kissing you.

Touch me deep, pure and true,
Gift to me forever.

I'm kissing you,
Oh,I'm kissing you.

Where are you now?
Where are you now?

I'm kissing you,
I'm kissing you, oh!

Ahhh, Spring is in the air!

It appears that in Erie, it is once again that time of year, Spring Cleanup. This brings to mind a phone call I received a couple years back early in the evening from my Dad

"Hey, Much. What are you doing? You want to go garbage-picking with me tonight?"
"Um, you know what, Dad, I'm actually busy right now. I'm stabbing my eardrums with a furniture upholstery hook, but maybe next time."

Aahhh, the memories. Happy 56th, Dad! Thanks for dinner! Hope you get a lot of use out of that camouflaged duffel bag.