Monday, October 30, 2006

Chock Full O' Nuts (And a little MFM)

First of all, I haven't posted on my blog in at least 3 months. I had moved on to other creative avenues and with only a handful of fans, it was easy enough to not be so concerned about this particular blog. I even thought of deleting the whole blog at one time, but left it up, more for sentimental reasons than anything else.

However, much to my amazement and surprise, not only do I have a new reader, but I think I was Googled! How exciting is that? One may say I'm famous. Okay, we don't need to go that far, but here's the lowdown for those of you that haven't heard the story yet:

Friday at work with The Mayor, quiet as usual. We have this "don't talk to me, I won't talk to you" thing going and it works well. I enjoy it. She's in and out all morning with her phone and that's fine. Suddenly, she's inside on the phone, making a big production out of something or other and I found this slightly odd, because this doesn't usually happen, unless it's for my benefit. All I could hear was that it was "VERY SERIOUS", but I didn't really pay any attention to it. Suddenly, the backup phone rings and it's Diana asking me about the work schedule so she can schedule some conference call or something on her day off or whatever and she finally asks me if I've said anything to my co-worker, to which I laughed and replied "no". All quiet on the western front. Diana said that The Mayor called her cell while she was doing something important and told Diana that she needed to come to the office right away, it was very serious and that it involved Diana, too. I could have cared less. It's something new every day.

A short while later, I hear The Mayor going back outside, par for the course, and suddenly I hear yelling and it sounded like Diana. Again, my phone rings and she's yelling about how The Mayor had her come to the office to tell her that I stole from her and she finally has proof. Again, I was like, "whatever" and I think Diana got really pissed this time, but I knew I hadn't stole from her or anyone for that matter, so I didn't care. If she felt like there was truly a problem, she wouldn't be calling Diana, she would be calling our Manager.

So, the rest of the day goes by and not a single word from The Mayor. The last guy is done and leaving and I'm going through the closing procedures, blah, blah, blah, when suddenly, from around the corner comes the poster child for "Valium and Scotch Don't Mix" and I screamed, "Jesus!" It thrusted a photocopied and stapled bunch of papers into my face and asked, "Is that you?!?!" As soon as I got over the fear that this thing only wanted a question answered and I got over the face, I realized what it was holding and answered it. It was a copy of my blog. Well, isn't that sweet?! A fan club! She actually Googled me and found my page and copied it, but didn't have the decency to leave a comment. But wait, what did I steal? That's right boys and girls...not a damn thing. As you can see in my last post over 3 months ago, it states that I went into her "personal locker", not that I took her plastic earrings. And now, class, how many of you actually believed that I went in there? That's right, not one of you.

All I could do was laugh. I said to her, "Do you mean that I was right? What I wrote in there is what's actually in your locker?" This made me laugh even harder, plus I had to pee so bad and that wasn't helping. She also went on about how I came in the one day and all the lights were on, the door open and the alarm not set. Apparantly, NO ONE even TOLD her that she did this. I reported it to my manager and not a word was ever said to her about it. Fucking AMAZING!!!

So, we go through the usual thing where she yells at you, stammers her words, threatens you and The Mayor ends up walking out of the office and sat in her car oogling me until I got in my car and left...nothing new. She thinks this is grade school and that staring people down is threatening, but whatever.

So, here we are once again, with a new and improved blog, which brings me to another subject...if it's new, how can it be improved? Never mind. Let's not forget Middle Finger Monday, boys and girls. We haven't had that little ditty in quite some time. Can you guess who get sthe award this week, class? Kudos to all of you for being so smart!

Lesson for today:

*Don't Google for dirt on people and then get pissed off at what you find...nobody told you to go looking for dirt in the first place! What did you think you were going to find anyway?

*If you don't like what you're reading, for heaven's sake, don't come back and read it again. For example, I went into a bar years and years ago that scared the hell out of me and I didn't like it. Guess what? I didn't go back. I've been to other blogs that I didn't like and guess what? That's right, you're getting the hang of it...I didn't go back and read it ever again. See the pattern?

At least if she comes in with a copy of the new post, it has a much better picture of me this time.

Friday, July 28, 2006

The Mayor

Working with the Mayor of Crazy Town, although entertaining for me, has got to be exhausting for the Mayor. She comes in, in the morning, shuts "off" the lights, proceeds to pull out the loudest keychain ever created and makes a big production of retreiving her belongings from her private locker. I was accused of stealing her personal file (the house schedule we all had to follow) and therefore everything has to be locked up. Well, I snuck into the locker and found out was so personal. We're talking:
1. A copy of the latest magazine she's reading.
2. Her personal writing utensil (A blue medium point Bic)
3. A 3 X 3 square of blue Post-Its
4. Her daytime supply of Wellbutrin and Valium for the week...A great combination.
5. Her signed copy of the schedule (the one that she doesn't follow)
6. A pair of vintage-looking (but really plastic) pair of clip-on earrings.

She is very concerned for her belongings and she has every right to be, especially when there's a thief loose in the "house". However, when I arrived at 5 am this morning, I wasn't feeling an air of concern for "belongings". As a matter of fact, the lights were still on, the door was not locked and the alarm was never set. I suppose in a manner of speaking her things were still safe because if anyone had come in there, they wouldn't have a key to HER locker, but what good would her personal belongings be if someone had come in and stole the 10 computers in here? You would have no job, Mayor!

And yet, she still manages to keep her job. She really must be related to George Bush, because it amazes me how much one person can fuck up and still get paid to do a job, or pretend you're doing it, anyway.

I'm assuming she's exhausted from all that pretending you're working thing and was so tired, she forgot to shut off the lights, set the alarm and lock the door. Maybe I should invest in a locker, too. Someone could steal my stash of bananas.

On another note, has anyone else noticed that Condoleeza Rice looks like an African American Barbie that had her head squished in from the sides or is it just me?

Friday, July 21, 2006

I just don't like people.

If you've known me longer than 5 minutes, you've heard me say, "I just don't like people" or "People scare me". Although for the most part this isn't necesserily true, people do scare and annoy me from time to time. I recently received an email from a good friend and it highlighted 9 reasons why I don't like people, in general.

Read on and see if you agree:

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid money to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7 When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8 When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say, "enough said".

Saturday, May 20, 2006

That damn Karma...Biting me in the ass!

We've all seen or have heard of the show where Earl has his list of things he needs to correct so that he no longer has bad Karma...My list is getting longer every day and Karma is chomping down harder and harder in a variety of ways:

1. I have interviewed so many times at Hamot, I'm on a first name basis with the receptionists, yet I still have no job. Something to do with lack of experience. Hey, people...I was in the top 3 of my class. Did I bust my ass to get good grades for nothing? Gimme a job, already. Okay, maybe I didn't bust my ass to get good grades, but I did get good grades. Plus, I had to "bank" hours to take time off during school so that the fine doctors in Pittsburgh could perform a 6-hour surgery on my son. All the while, I did not fall behind in my studies. That should say something, at least. Furthermore, lack of experience?!?! I didn't have a lick of experience when I got hired at a Nuclear Pharmacy, yet in no time, I was compounding, drawing,, packing, and shipping radioactive drugs to Hamot Heart Institutes from Ohio to New York. Now, if I can learn all the ins and outs of isotopes and millicuries, I think I can room a patient, for God sakes!

2. I was told I had to move out of the cottage because the landlord wanted to use it for personal use. I am so naive; I believe everyone. "Oh, the sky isn't blue you say? Gee, I always thought it was blue. Well, if you say so, I believe you." I went to check the mail at the cottage that would have arrived before the change of address had gone through and right there in the front picture window, big as the sun setting on the lake was a "FOR RENT" sign. Imagine that? I texted my mom and told her what happened. Her reply? "I smell a crazy bitch!" I peed myself from laughing. Then I remembered that I'm living with my parents and will probably die an old spinster in the spare room. Just me and the cat, old and gray, rocking in the rocking chair.

Okay, I can whine and cry all day, but truth be told, this is Karma giving me a little wake-up call, saying, "Michelle, you've got to mend your ways." I may start a list, like Earl and go around, perhaps also with a sibling of mine, and mend my ways. I have 5 brothers and sisters, anyone up for some mending of the ways? I can start here and say, publicly, that I have done wrong.

I was in a relationship that was rocky and when things weren't looking good, I stepped out, and when she kicked me to the curb, I sought comfort in the man that I had stepped out with. While I was with him, I told him that my relationship with her was going nowhere and while I was with her, I told her that I was not seeing him at all. In the end, I ended up messing with people's feelings and made myself out to be the biggest asshole of all. She thought he was an asshole, he thought she was an asshole, and "SURPRISE", I'm the biggest asshole! Probably no real way to mend this, but I sent them an email letting them know this and that it would be best if I not continue a relationship with either of them and we can all go our separate ways.

So, Karma, can you cut a girl some slack and give me a little something to work with here? I think losing in the love department and losing the cottage are some pretty good punishments, but can you throw me a bone here with the job thing? That would be swell!

Gotta go, there's a list to be made. Hey Tammy, you busy this week?

Friday, May 12, 2006


Here we go! School is almost out. Let the games commence. We are already trying to start laying the ground rules for this kid for summer and it's not pretty.

He used to have rules. You couldn't spend every night out just because it wasn't a school night and everybody and their brother was not going to be at our house, just "hanging out".
You could not leave your dirty dishes in the living room or your bedroom because you were not allowed to eat in those rooms, unless it was popcorn with a movie and then you need to run the sweeper if it got all over the floor, because occasionally it happened. We're all human.
I don't think we fussed about the kids making their beds and other little insignificant things. All we wanted was for them to respect the common spaces and take care of their rooms. Of course, it was a constant battle, but the job got done. Their were times when we wondered why we had to repeat ourselves on a daily basis to people that would be out on their own in a matter of years, but the job did get done.

This, my friend, is the joy of raising kids.

Now, suddenly, certain people don't understand why it's a battle. Well, he was taken out of obeying rules because he didn't think we were doing right by asking him to do these things and now you want him to obey the same rules that he always had to obey in the first place and you wonder why he's looking at you like you've lost your mind.
We didn't put out the rules because we thought arguing with kids on a daily basis was fun. We did it because that's what needed to be done. So, if you're having a hard time expecting him to suddenly follow rules when he's been able to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, wherever he wants to do it, then you're just going to have to sit back and expect some turbulence. My job will be to remind him that these used to be the rules and that this is not actually something new, it's just being reintroduced...kind of like bell bottoms. Hey, look how people took to bell bottoms when they made a comeback. All in due time, all in due time.

It's gonna be one hell of a summer watching how this trainwreck plays out.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Feast or Famine

I had the second interview today at Forest Hills. Both Dr. Rodak and Dr. Russo-Colt took time out of their lunch hour to interview me. It should have been a little unnerving being interviewed by the doctors that run the practice, but they were both very down-to-earth and easy to talk to. I'm assuming they'll make a decision this week, since whoever gets the position will be starting on the 24th.

After the interview, I get a call from HR for Pearson telling me they made a decision and that my first day is tomorrow (Wednesday) at 8 am. Okay? Okay, I guess. At the risk of sounding ungrateful, I thought, "where have you people been all summer?" I'm glad it's happened either way, but it would have been nice, well, you know. So, tomorrow I will go to Pearson, fill out my paperwork for HR, pretend I'm learning the ropes and wait for the call from Forest Hills. I have to say I do feel a little secure knowing that at least if Forest Hills falls through and I'm not chosen for the job, I do have Pearson to fall back on for now. The only thing that sucks right now is both Diana and Cathleen will be there tomorrow and you just don't know the trauma of listening to the Golden Girls argue their day away...Ugghhh!