Ba Humbug Day

I listen to a radio station out of Ashtabula (homey's birthplace) and today they announced that it was "Ba Humbug Day" and you can gripe about 12 things today, so here goes:

1. Ba Humbug Day

X-mas season or not, I can gripe if I want to, damnit. I am not St. Nick, I am not jolly, too bad.

2. Yodeling

Hey Jewel, yodeling has no place in holiday music.

3. Dogs barking to "Jingle Bells"

It made me want to veer me and my van into the nearest ravine.

4. "Santa Baby"

I don't care who's singing it, Eartha Kitt or not. I do not like it. ESPECIALLY if Eartha is singing it. You made a great catwoman or whatever you were on Batman, but I want to stab my eardrums when I hear you singing this song. Okay, I have to say the same goes for Barry Manilow singing "My Favorite Things" A Fanilow, I am not!

5. Asshole drivers

I can never say enough about this and I know nobody wants to hear it, but please don't pull out in front of me and fishtail between two lanes trying to catch up with the natural flow of traffic that you just fucking obstructed. Asshole.

6. Special Forwards

I have to admit I love a good forward, especially if they make laugh like a jolly old elf, but please don't send me the ones that say, "You have to forward this to 10 or more people and if you only forward it to 1 person, you don't have many friends, blah, blah, blah" I have friends because I don't forward these emails to them. When I start forwarding these emails, I will lose those friends.

7. Shopping

I know that both of my sisters just inhaled their cocoa from gasping, but they should also know that I can't stand shopping. I love giving gifts more than anything, but the very idea that I have to go shopping for them is horrid. Mix screaming kids with adults that have no common sense and cashiers that, well, shouldn't even be greeters and it's a nasty mix no matter how you add it up. That's why I thank God for creating the internet on the 7th day. She's such a wonderful God. Point, click, wait for the mail.

8. Frank Snot-ra

Dude, I about fell asleep in the van driving home because they were playing some Frank. Thankfully, I had a needle to stab beneath my fingernails to keep me awake. I know, I know...change the channel. I did. Three times. First station, Jewel yodeling to White Christmas. Second, Dogs barking to Jingle Bells. Third, Santa Baby. Need I say more?

9. Being in the Slytherin category on Kristen's page

At first, I was like, "Okay, there's probably something good to be said about that. Hey, Monsieur le coq is here! Wait, I'm in the class with the dogs? Where is that damn sorting hat?!" I just don't like it, no sir I do not.

10. GameSHOUT's Top 10 Holiday Movie List

Sorry, Patio; I know you didn't create the list. I don't have any problem in general with the list, just the fact that Die Hard 1&2 are #3 on the list. I know that the theme of the movie occurs during the holidays, but so do a lot of movies. That doesn't mean they should make it to the top 10 of Holiday Movies list. It belongs on a whole other category. Something like..."Movies that never should have made it to the silver screen"

11. These cats

One wants to "become one" with me while I'm on the computer. One is trying to die of pneumonia. One nearly had to have his tail amputated. 25 pounds of cat and no tail does not look good. One has to cuddle like an infant, but ONLY on the left shoulder. Nobody has a good left shoulder in this house. One I forget we have because all she does is hide and sleep. Halfpint swears about every other week that she's on her way out, but we've been together for almost 5 years and this cat ain't goin' nowhere! I think we have too many cats, but the truth is, if a stray showed up on our door and stayed there for like 5 minutes, I would take it in and say we have 6 cats. Every once in a while, Halfpint says, "We gotta start getting rid of some cats." Not happening chick!

12. Having to come up with 12 gripes

Says who? Peace out, Napoleon!

Just in case you were bored...

Look into the crystal ball.






http://trunks.secondfoundation.org/files/psychic.swf

A friend of mine sent me this link and it was a little strange at first, but now that we've figured out the formula, it's not as strange, but still a little fun. Go ahead, give it a try!

What's wrong with the world, Mama?

Some may say you should treat people kindly because of the holiday season and some may say it's being "a good Christian", but it's neither. It's just seems like common sense to me to treat people with decency. If you ask me, the holidays seem to bring out the worst in people, not the best, yet society and the media preach this loving and spiritual holiday. If you really take a good look around, you'll see it just isn't so.

In the stores it can really be a nightmare. I was coming out of the grocery store and there were a fair amount of people. We were exiting in a line about two carts wide, leaving a bit of room for people entering the store through those doors. I've got this older lady behind me who apparently wasn't too happy with the speed of things. There were some people ahead that were going a little slower than what we may deem necessary, but who cares? The line wasn't stopped, it was a slow, steady pace. Well, this chick saw the green flag and was on the hunt for the checkered flag. She passed me on the left, then she nudges in front of me. Wow, you're a whole cart ahead and we're almost entirely out of the building now. I wonder if she felt like she actually accomplished something. I never did see if she made it to the checkered flag first. What an ass.

Then we have traffic. I can go a day and a half on this subject, but I'm sure it's nothing you all haven't witnessed before. My favorite part is people that are racing to the next red light. What the hell is that shit. In town, we have one of the main drags, East/West 12th Street. It has lights every block or two. Why are you laying tire when the light turns green? You're first in line or third in line and that's what you'll be at the next red light. If you don't like traffic signals every block or two, take the Bayfront or the Interstate and leave the local roads to the idiots who can't pump their brakes on black ice.

Speaking of driving- I don't care if you have tepid heat in your car and duct tape and a hefty covering one or more windows- you're at least in the car and not openly exposed to the elements. So, if you happen upon people crossing the street in wind that is freezing everything it's passing over, let them cross! Even if it's raining or blazing heat, just let them go, but especially in the cold. They're not out there singing "Walking in the winter wonderland", they're trying to get from Point A to Point B without becoming a human popsicle. You won't die. On the other hand, it drives me crazy when people see you approaching a green light and cross right about when you hit it, so you are pumping the brakes like it'll produce life-saving blood for a dying relative. Are you begging to be hit? I know plenty of people that'll keep going and make you race to the curb because they don't give a shit if you get hit or not. They'll just keep on going like they hit another pothole.

I don't know what the problem is, but let's not pretend the world is a better place because it's the holiday season; It's the same as every other time of year. Good people are good and assholes are still assholes.

MFM

Fuck Middle Finger Monday. Fuck the days of the week; I don't like them either. They suck. Everything sucks.
In other news, I put my damn tree up last night and it is so adorable and it lights up the living room so nicely and softly. Every little snowman ornament is so happy to be back on the tree.
In even more pressing news, what's the deal with 1st, 2nd, and 3rd degrees? If you have a 1st degree burn, it's minor, but 1st degree murder is supposedly more severe than 3rd degree. Either way, someone's dead, but who the hell asked me? So I think this has a possibility of confusing people and I think it sucks, too. For crying out loud, if 1st is gonna be worse, then everything 1st should be the worst. Of course, changing it now would really confuse the hell out of everybody far more than they may be now, so I suppose we should just let it go and not make things worse. Fine, I'll just let it go- for now.

Eat your turkey, eat your vegetables...

Chocolate pecan, raspberry and pumpkin pies.












...and you can have some pie!

Hope everyone's Thanksgiving went off without a hitch and hope you were all sufficiently satisfied. It was nice to be inside baking and not have to be out in that hellacious wind, but hearing the waves roar was pretty cool. We decided to keep it simple this year with the basics and favorites that we save pretty much for Thanksgiving. Our menu was:

Turkey- stuffed with onions with thick cut bacon between the skin and meat and injected with Italian dressing and cooked on the grill.

Dressing- the basic with onions, celery, Bell's seasoning and a few sticks of butter worked into 3 loaves of bread, cut up, and a few eggs. Just like Mom used to make.

Sweet Potato Casserole- mashed sweet potatoes, honey butter, cinnamon, brown sugar, topped with mini marshmallows and cinnamon and baked until marshmallows are browned. (This ended up on the floor, smashed with the shards of the Corning dish one with the casserole. We eat it a lot, so we weren't too disappointed.)

Mashed Potatoes- good thing we had these with the casserole one with the carpet now. The night before you cook up bacon, crumble, drain and mix with a spoonful of horseradish. When you whip your potatoes the next day, use sour cream, add the bacon mix, add about another scoop of horseradish and these are so heavenly. I made enough to have leftovers for a few days or more.

Brussel Sprouts- Boil until they're tender, then drain. Fry bread crumbs in melted butter, then add the sprouts. Put in a dish and fold in sour cream. They are so rich and full of flavor.

Green Bean Casserole- I think you all know this one. The good old standby. Not much to it and you can prepare it the night before and pop it into the oven when everything's about ready. Throw on the fried onions and your good to go. The hardest thing about this dish is still having the onions when it comes out of the oven.

Assortment of rolls- I made corn bread muffins, crescent rolls, and basic dinner rolls. All go so well with the pumpkin spice butter. Mmmm...

We didn't do cranberry sauce because it just sits there and never gets eaten. The only true fruit we had was in the raspberry pie. It was good and it was simple and we haven't gotten tired of the leftovers yet.

MFM

Another Monday is here, hence another list. (Yes, I do realize I haven't done a list EVERY Monday)

*Ty Pennington- (And the patch of pubic hair beneath his lower lip) Grrr...I cannot stand the man. I do enjoy the show somewhat, although it can be annoying when they're all crying before they even get to the house they'll be renovating. However, what they do for these families can be incredible and far beyond noteworthy. I think Paul should be running the show. He's my favorite and he wears shirts that fit. Hey, Ty! I'm pretty sure they sell T-shirts at Sears in tall sizes, too. Paul could certainly run the show, but that may take away from his quiet reserved genius. Here's "Paul the Doll":
*Dream Kristen- For reasons unbeknownst to me, Kristen was in my dreams last night, and she sure was a jerk. It started out pretty funny, which I think is the norm for her, but she just ended up being an ass. So, I don't think I like the Dream Kristen.

*Weaver family- On TAR, Family Edition, they are the Jesus freaks. They pray to Jesus to guide them and just end up being driven by the devil. They've called other teams retards and whatnot; did Jesus tell you to do that? Boy, are they in for a surprise. I heard she's black and pissed off! It doesn't bother me that people have faith and everyone has a choice in their faith, but COME ON! You can't go around saying you're above everyone else because you answer to a higher power and turn around and punch their pictures and admonish them publicly. I just don't get it. They nauseate me.

*Alexis Stewart- What the hell is it with her? Martha has a certain look and attitude that says, "Do not disappoint me" but she's always adorable and has a beautiful smile and doesn't have that "I am possessed by Satan" look. Her daughter, Alexis, however, looks like she is very uncomfortable in her own skin. Even Martha's partner, Charlie, on Martha: Apprentice is annoying with his cigar that's the size of a 2" dowel rod and never lit, but he can crack a joke now and then. Even when Alexis does smile, it actually frightens me. *Shiver* I don't like it.

*In other news, I would like to recant my previous MFM to Carissa, the youngest contestant on TAR, Family Edition. Her family was eliminated and I actually shed a tear or two, it was pitiful. She was trying so hard not to cry and I wonder how long she'll blame her Mom for causing their loss. (Fast forward to the teenage years when kids blame their parents for their misgivings) They were actually pretty sweet, though. I still think it's a little creepy how the kids are like robots and the fact that they don't treat Billy and Carissa the same (You're heading to the attic when we get home, Billy), but I did end up rooting for them. Anything is better than the Weavers and their Jesus Candy. Poor Carissa.

I am so in love...

with myself.

You know in the evening when you head to the bathroom to wash your face, brush your teeth, comb out your hair for the day, whatever your routine, and you look in the mirror and you're thinking, "I look so damn good." It seems terrible to be wasting these looks on the pillows and covers; perhaps you should be heading out to the local club and sporting your look for the public.

Then you remember...you have to get up at 5 a.m. to go to work. Then when you get up in the morning, half of you resembles what you looked at in the mirror the night before and the other half resembles something hideous; you wouldn't even check the mail looking like the bad half, let alone answer the door.

Oh well. At least I have the nights.